About Me

My photo
Early morning and sometimes late night coffee drinking, poetry writing, self help/inspirational book reading, traveling, soul music listening, soul food cooking, shoe loving, occasional gaming(you take your pick), picture taking (both) knowledge soaking- mother of 2, long-term partner of one, niece, cousin and friend to many-sister like friend to only a few- outstanding at problem solving and organizing, smile making while being compassionate and always loyal to who? YOU…

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Measuring Success

It’s been a while since I dropped a line on my blog- not for any real reason but myself. What I mean is time or my lack of it is not the blame because it really only takes a few minutes. The ideas were there but I allowed the day to turn into days and before you know it weeks has past. I did write in my journal and for class so I did do some writing- and yes I intend to write about our Presidential Elect.

Just this morning I was thinking about school and in 62 days is my graduation day. My mind drifted off into success and what success means for me and the whole thing about me graduating – in the interim I will turn 35. Quickly my brain drew images of my life the good & the bad. Then this one quote saved me like it always does
Success is to be measured not so much by the position that one has reached in
life as by the obstacles which he has overcome. -Booker T. Washington
This quote hangs to the left of my computer at work and on my eHow site . Looking at the cards that life has dealt me and those that I took-I’m thankful for my successes large and small and welcome the obstacles in my life- without that who would I really be……

Monday, October 20, 2008

An Honest Bapesta Buyer-Thanks!

I sell on EBay and My Honey just gave me 20 pairs of Bapestas to sell. The other day I sold a pair for $100 and the buyer contacts me a few about six days later saying he didn't receive his sneakers. The emails first were just normal questions inquiring about the delivery of the shoe. Then we both began to point the blame. He felt if his kicks didn't arrive then I should give him another pair. I felt he got them and was just trying to get me for another pair for the price of one. All of this is via email. It was Sunday evening so I suggested we talk on Tuesday since that Monday was a holiday.

All the possible scenarios replayed in my head over and over- thinking how to handle a very negative feedback since I never had one. And I refused to send another pair of kicks but I did offer him a pair a half price that he had in mind already-He declined my offer and said it's not his fault he didn't get them.

So we both thought were being played and we were pissed. Tuesday I waited to hear from him and when I checked my email he got them.

That goes to show me that:

  • some people are honest

  • dwelling on any situation doesn't help

  • sometimes you need to walk away from the situation for a moment

  • use delivery confirmations always

If he never received them should I have sent another pair? I had stopped sending delivery confirmations but began on my next shipment on Wednesday and there after.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Why No Term Limits- Why Not?

There is a huge debate in New York City at the moment because Mayor Bloomberg would like to extend term limits. Currently the serving limit is 2 terms which is equivalent to eight years in office. This is his final year and he believes he can do more for our city during these tough economical times we are faced with. Can he? Bloomberg has given the City of New York an optimistic comeback after 9/11. Look around he has built affordable housing, expanded parklands, changed the infrastructure in city agencies, launched the anti-poverty campaign, developed plans for an environmentally friendly city and co-founded the national coalition against illegal guns Let's remember the reasons we elected him again in 2005, he is proven to be very strong in business and economics.
New Yorkers feel as though their rights are being taken because they are not voting on the idea of extending the term limits. Remember it's your vote that elects who become mayor of this wonderful city.
Personally, at this point in the game I not sure if I want fresh blood in the office right now, there is just too much going on. Besides where can we hire a mayor for a $1.00 a year- I wouldn't mind waiting another 4.

Friday, October 10, 2008

What The F#&*!!!

How do you feel about the following issues? Have you voiced your opinion publicly with your peers or family? Well you should and the time is now because soon this will all be history.....

Obama for President

Crisis on Wall Street

Sarah Palin

  • 700 Billion Dollar Bailout

McCain's little arms

Yankees out of the playoffs

Joe Torre making it to the playoffs

The ads on NYC trains

Here is how I feel about all this stuff....

  • I say yes to a Obama
  • If Wall Street gets a bailout then every American should have their credit slate wiped clean
  • Sarah darn it - is no pit bull in a skirt -and I personally don't feel connected to her through her use of language- sorry Sarah
  • Again Mr. government-can I have my credit history wiped clean? If Wall St. can then so should I-But first let me charge up a few more things
  • I know he was a POW, but damn I can't stop looking at his little arms that don't move
  • Baseball is not the same-without the Yankees
  • Torre's smiling at Steinbrenner right now, but the ultimate will be the Dodgers playing the Red Sox -every Yankee fan will shed a tear or two
  • I wonder what's the cost - Most commuters just want to get from point A to point B - We just want to ride- That's it

That's how I feel about it- Now what's your thoughts?

It Can Be Worse

Have you ever thought your life was falling apart or maybe you didn't know where your next dollar was coming from, maybe you had the flu and felt like your chest was going to rip through your body, or late on your rent-again and overdrawn at the bank, your relationship ended that was going so well or had to follow up to your follow up visit at the doctor, or had an aching throbbing tooth that just wouldn’t stop.....
We can go on and on but the point is you thought it was the worst time of your life and couldn’t get any worse. Then you hear someone else's story and pain and at that point your problem sizzles and fades away. You are almost grateful that's all you have deal with.
The other day someone asked me, "How's everything?" I replied by saying I feel a little congested and my head was foggy. In the middle of me speaking he said our coworker was rushed to the hospital via helicopter this morning. I instantly felt better, really. I realized that I didn’t have anything to complain about because it really could be worse.
With that said- Let’s try to complain less and accept more because it can always be worse!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

In the Heights- A Must See!!

In The Heights was awesome musical! - I guess the Tony Award and the reviews confirms it . It was a love story, filled with richness of culture with a mix of hip-hop, merengue and salsa- Which was lots of dancing and singing in streets of Washington Heights- giving us flavor from the “Heights” the home of the Irish, Cuban, Puerto Rican, Black and Dominican descendents.

All of us who lives in the inner city – especially NYC- you quickly learn how to speak basic Spanish - a bodega, que paso , cuanto es, - and you know what it means as well as some curse words. You can recite your address in for the cab driver –“Quince Ochenta Avenida Metropolitana”; pay for your coffee and paper all in Spanish and everyone is Mami y Papi.

What can you really expect Viviendo en Nueva York. I couldn’t ask for anything else.

We get our dubees at the Dominican spot- that’s open 7 days a week and comemos arroz con pollo at the Spanish spot.

The music full of life and the scene was my neighborhood.

The show was authentic and held on to the true essence of the Hispanic culture and didn’t flinch on the “Great White Way”- Definitely a must see!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Did He Get What He Deserved?

Do you live in NYC?

Do you travel on the subway?
Have you ever used HopStop?

How does this tool work, well you go to the Website and click on directions. There you will enter the starting address and the destination address. Selections can be made for the time of day of travel, because that will determine the estimated travel time, language, and transportation mode. Click on "get directions" – and bingo the information appears very similar to MapQuest.

There was an article in the Black Entrepreneurs Magazine about young entrepreneurs and there was the story on Hopstop and its
co-founder. Chinedu Echeruo, a 33 year-old, Nigerian-born man created his company four years ago. Since then the company has expanded to other cities such as Chicago, Washington, D.C. and Boston. Chinedu’s expectation is to provide travel information for the 10 largest cities. The site has handled more than a million travel requests.

He is a Harvard Business School Graduate and has an extensive background in finance from Wall Street. In a NYTimes article the only revenue was from ad banner on the site. Chinedu hoped that one day one of the larger search engines would buy his idea.

Let us hope things worked in his favor.

Love on the 6 Uptown

(sometimes I write what my heart feels)
Love has never felt this way
I can’t stop I always
Knew I would write and
I tried really I did but never
Like this it’s like a plant
Blooming- to write and read
My thoughts to others is the
Greatest feeling ever I can
Pick up a pen and write
Anywhere and about anything
This is truly amazing and
I feel like I have finally tapped
Into my God given talent- to share
My powerful words with the world
When I look back I can’t imagine
That I have gone so long
Without writing. This is how
I speak; this is what I do and now i
Will allow it to do me
It can do whatever it wants
I am here for the ride-I
Feel it is my duty to
Handled this shit-because
It comes naturally
Speaking I write when the words
Touch the paper I fell my energy
Release when I say the words
I hear and feel them
In my bones- I can do this
Whenever wherever, a crying baby
No matter- one day
She too will read me I
Will be magnificent and
The little baby girl will have
To read about me in the books
And when I say the part about
The 6 train and how she was sitting
On her Daddy’s lap and
How he pointed to her
Uncle Jerry on the phone and she said
His name- that damn phone was how
You little girl stopped crying a river
Every little girl with an Uncle Jerry
will think I was sitting across from
Them on that number 6 train to Pelham
Yes I lived where you live this is for us- you
Where so cute with your
Pony on top of your head
At least while the phone
Was in your hand- see with ease my
Words are finally able to sing and
That they will do to the hills of Beverly
And the streets of Harlem well maybe
Not Beverly - she will
Act like my words are not
Not important- oh shit
They took the phone
You know what that means
Lovely lovely is screaming screaming
Just like I will do one day you and
You will hear me speak
I promise. This feels too good to stop
I hadn’t lifted my pen since I sat down
Yup just writing and thinking how
People let talents go to waste
I wasn’t just didn’t
Know how to start and now
I will never stop
Why the fuck should
(feel the rush- that how I feel when I write)

Thursday, September 18, 2008

Just Read

Chloe went to tell Lena the truth. Cliff sleeping with Robert who is now Roberta and that her pictures were destroyed because her camera fell into water or maybe the truth was nothing and she could work the case until Lena gave up. Lena would pay her and she could still fuck Cliff.

Chloe walked in to Lena’s apartment, took off her shoes stood in front of the mirror. She smoothed her skirt, propped her breast and turned into the foyer. She seen Lena was sprawled across the sofa crying. Immediately she thought Cliff told her about them, so she stood there frozen, ready to take defense and tell on Cliff. But Lena stood up with her arms opened wide to hug Chloe. Lena's eyes were so puffy with bags on the top and bottom they were almost shut; she had a long trail of snot running into her mouth. Chloe opened her arms and held her. Lena cried so hard Chloe’s body shook and the snot smeared all over her shoulder and chest. When Chloe asked her what happened, between the sops she blurted out "H- I- V, I got it" and sucked down a huge gasp of air. Her body shook as she let her arms go from Chloe and wrapped them around her stomach dropped the white paper.

Chloe pushed her back and Lena just kept walking toward her until she Chloe pushed her on the the sofa. Chloe stood up and wanted to run out of the apartment but her legs wouldn’t move. With her tear filled eyes she looked at Lena who was emptied out every tear she could hold. Chloe didn’t move. Chloe’s tears streamed down her face like a flowing river nonstop; her mind replayed the times she had been with Cliff and Roberta. Her bottom lip shook so much as saliva seeped out from the corners of her tiny mouth. She didn’t feel for Lena only for herself. She was scared for her life. She picked up the white paper off the floor that held power and stared. She wanted to find a something wrong with the information like Lena’s name spelled wrong or her date of birth- something to make this go away.

Chloe backed herself out of the apartment shaking, holding her bottom lip between her teeth to ease the trembling. Her hands held onto the walls for support. She looked at the shiny chrome handle sticking out of Lena’s brown Gucci bag on the table. She could almost hear her heart beating. She squeezed her eyes shut and seen Lena’s brains dribble on the tan leather sofa waiting for Cliff or the nanny.

She walked home crying and praying to God, asking for help from her mother's angels, telling her father she will see him soon. In between, cursed Cliff, Roberta and Lena and wished them death. She arrived at her apartment to find Cliff in her bed. He stayed with her that night. They made love over and over until the sun rose.

This is excerpt is from a short story that I am working on....

Please leave your comments

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


So much going on right now I am trying to keep up with everything. School for the first time is kicking my butt- in a good way for now. I love a challenge. I submitted a short story in my writing class which is always very interesting because we workshop our pieces- yup everyone critiques your fabulous writing. So this time I took a turn and did the forbidden. A sex scene. It's actually funny and interesting at the same time. Trying to take something and make it visible- that's not the tricky part but what I may think is normal or regular someone else may think I am a crazed person is where it can get difficult. I can't wait for the looks I may get on Monday. My class is also funny, people had good comments and critiques, but I think its most helpful when you have a suggestion to follow your critiques.

I wonder what my Prof thought when he read it probably not too much- I'm sure he probably seen his share of work. In class some stories are well versed and some has no real point or essence. Which is now making me read deeper to why did they chose to write this piece and etc. - It almost feels like I need to learn how to read again, because if not I lose interest in work that is good as a writer. I should be able to read anything and find the essence. I should not only look for the plots and other writing styles but why did they choose this particular thing to write about, but also the underlying of the message. When I hear someone trying to make a point or a reason out of nothing or everything it bothers me. Sometimes I have no true reason why I wrote a story- but for me it becomes me getting involved with the character. Also when I have time I need to really work on my grammar- a lot of the time I am so busy thinking in my head and typing that the grammar crap I don't see until I read it and honestly sometimes I read what I want to read the way I want to read it- so basically I don't even see it then. It takes away from my writing- Right now I want to read so bad but I have so many school books and papers I don't have the time to crawl up and dissect a novel instead I am read Chaucer- again this time I hope I get the gist of it!!!! thanks for letting me air out

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Blessed Be Her.....

Bless it be
The woman who looks
deadly in her suit with
her high stilettos strutting
carrying her $1,000
handbag, $4,000 diamonds
with n
o flaws purtruding
from her lopes,her
perfectly round enhanced
breast with no bounce
her badunkadunk that
can balance a filled coffee cup, her
multicolored lacquered face


18 inches of yaky straight
Perfectly trimmed
Her body is perfect
Her suit is perfect
Her accessories perfectly
Accessorizing who she
Really is, after all
No one is perfect
So blessed be her

Suit hiding scars of her babies
Handbag with no money and used credit
Her diamonds a gift for the whippings
Her perfect breast that
Once sagged with milk for her 3 babies
Her badunkadunk he wanted rounder
The lacquer that covers her face
Her eyes, her eyesHer eyes hold her soul, her story, her pain


Blessed be her….

Nine Years & Still Good

Today is our 9th year anniversary- Wow!! Where did the time go? It really seems like yesterday, well maybe not yesterday but definitely not 9 years. We had our ups and downs but these days the love has just been flowing. I can’t say when the change shifted but right now I can't complain about a thing in my love life- shit my entire life. I think this is where my maturity takes over- I learned and I'm learning everyday to accept what is- that's not to say I take the bs or settle for less but I accept what is- I can’t change it so why waste my precious energy trying to- instead I focus on the shit I like- enough of that for now.

Those who know me and my story can you imagine

I found my love and it feels good all over. We still call each other 3-4 times a day to inquire how the days are going and make silly jokes. This is what I love. At times we use each other for advice, to calm down or to listen. Yeah there are times we argue and hang up on each other too(I think it’s important to disagree) but at the end we shine through it all. I never knew what love was until now. 9 Years is some serious time and we will marry but not now- shit this feels too good, why change a good thing, but I'm sure we will.

This weekend we spend family time in the Pocono Mountain it was soothing for all of us. My honey, my children, his daughter and her friend went to the Poconos Mountain for the weekend. We rented a house that seemed more of a pool house than anything livable, but it was great! On the way up it were boys vs. girls on the drive- back and forth and forth and back on I-80 we raced. They won by only a hair (I was on his tail). We arrived the house was ranch style 1500 sq ft but the pool house was 2000 sq ft. We were deep deep in the hills of the hills; this was the first for all of us
. It took 5.1 miles (my navigation) to get to the main road and even longer to the malls. It was good thing. I went grocery shopping before we left so our afternoon lunch was chicken kabobs, burgers, Italian sausages and hot dogs. I love my brain he said “we can eat there don’t cook”. A mother’s intuition – I bought lunch, dinner and breakfast. On Saturday we it either Gustov or Hanna and it rained and rained but it was glorious. The smell of fresh rain in the wood us citydwellers don't get much of that. So we ate bar-be-que(I cooked in the rain) and swam during the afternoon and went to the shopping outlet returned to the house had dinner time, swam again until 2 am and finished with dessert from Friendly's. We are having a great time together and with our families together-who can ask for anything more.....

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Will He Be Able?

This morning during my commute to work I couldn't help but to overhear a conversation between a young man and a young girl. Both were in there early twenties- he would be turning 21 soon. It appeared that they attended high school together at sometime and knew some of the same people, like Mike who works in White Castles.

As you can imagine there are many conversations going on but this one sparked an interest for me; it may have been his voice or something or the way he was dressed in old tattered stylish clothing- He wore Air Force 1 sneakers that were old, jeans with holes in the bottom because they were once too big but now fit. A fitted baseball cap with stitching like puzzles pieces. That's not what important, but the fact that he wants to be a nurse or a doctor. I found it interesting – but then I began to think. Did he ever have a shot at his dream? He seemed torn about when he was going to go back to school, but the young lady offered advice "do it now to get it over wit".

Young guy "I know a lot of stuff about the medical field"

Young girl: "You gotta have the stomach for it"

Young guy: "I do – I helped with gunshot wounds and shit. I like that stuff"

Young girl: "I can't do that shit"

Young guy: "I'ma go back to school – they know I like it that is why I was helping"

(My guess is that he was doing an internship maybe- It doesn't sound like he completed high school, so how can he become a nurse or doctor?)

Instantly I felt compassion because I don't think he was ever given a shot or maybe he was. Who knows, but some people argue that everyone has the same opportunities, but that is not true. As a mother who whole heartily believes in my children, I know if I didn't provide the love, guidance, discipline then they couldn't live up to their fullest potential.

Then I starting thinking on a community level and then on race and what happen to that percentage of people who were never given the shot. You know the ones that I am talking about- drug users, alcoholics, the uneducated parents who don't offer support, love, discipline and guidance for their children. They are left out to dry.

Our communities & race as a whole continues to grow with no love, support, education, discipline and guidance.

How can we this change?

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

August 27 & 28

Here to my first week of my final semester. This has truly been a long time coming for me and it's almost hard to believe in December 2008 I will have a Bachelors of Arts in Creative Writing- Damn I love it- but I realized this is only part of my dream. I want to continue on for my MFA and then I want to be called Dr. Smith- that's right. I love to learn. I wish I could do this and get paid for it. Class began last Wednesday but everyday up to the day I felt as if I wasn't ready. I forced myself to see the light and the end, but it wasn't enough. I did have the focus I needed and was scared. It wasn't 7:30pm that I realized that I can do this. That night I realized I had three classes in my back pocket. I know within the next four months things may have to shake me up a little but I refuse to allow it to monopolize my mind. I want this so bad. I'm taking 3 classes two days a week, while holding a full-time job and a 24-hour job as a mother. Seems like a lot but it's really not my children are old to take care of the "little stuff"- as always I prepare what they need.

Here is to Obama, Obama, and Obama-

I watched the convention on and off – mainly on and Obama brought tears to my eyes. While I watched it with my children I imagined my mother who was a young girl when Dr. Martin Luther King spoke his I Have a Dream Speech which was the same exact date that Mr. Obama made his "Change will Come to Washington"- To be honest I had NO idea this was the same exact date in 1963.

I have to write more…



Tuesday, August 26, 2008

A Cricket Outside Of My Window

There's a cricket outside of my window

Did you know crickets make four different chirping songs
I learned this today while I was trying to watch Oprah

  1. Very loud - female calling on her male( wish it was easy)

  2. Low sound- female is near and male are trying to court her ( work it girl)

  3. Loud aggressive- male on male battle/sense another male is near (all species)

  4. Short sound- after the sperm settles on the female eggs ( like reaching for a cigarette)
It had to be number four because I stopped and turned my head toward the window because I could not hear a thing Oprah was saying. Then it stopped. Then it began all over again loud as ever. I turned around a few time because I wasn't sure if it was sitting on my shoulder. It went for at least 30 seconds at a time.

Oh by the way crickets don't rub there hind leg together but instead the male have this thick vein with 50-300 ridges. Oh this is only a male thing female were not blessed with the large thick vein. They rub that against the upper edge of the forewing and that creates the stridulation and the song, which varies depending on the species.

No I did not know this but the cricket outside my window intrigued me to really understand the madness of this noise, I mean sound/song. All I really want to do was watch the rerun of Oprah.

I need help!!!

I was so pissed today but I really wasnt trying to be
I let one thing slide, ok not really slide it lasted bout 4 hrs
but the she added and added like I was her bank account
Ok dealt with it- tried to move on

Then he pissed me off
I am better because I know
but tried to stop the energy
but it kept pulling me back
I failed because and let him cash his check
he didn't have any money in his bank account
and overdrawn me
and ached my head

Ok dealt with and - tried to move on

Did I really provide too little information
Ok- lets say I did
Did your light turn on at all
You did nothing
but want everything

I'm dealing with it like this
please help me help myself
so I can help
those who I love
those who dont know any better
those who really want more
because sometimes
don't understand
but I really want to

Monday, August 25, 2008

I'm Back

It seems like I have not posted anything in so long- well I guess I haven't, but I've been writing- just in my journal. I tried taking something from my journal and expanding to sharing it- but my thoughts were all over the place and my journal entries reflect just that. This post seems to be going in that direction and I thought I had control over it.

Today I just need to get my thoughts out of my head so I can see what’s going on. I've been up since 4:30 and I didn't go to the gym(terrible) for some reason I feel as if I am losing focus on what my goals are- I am not sure if I have a hand on it so I need to begin with my list- Yes, me and my lists to get things done. If I don't have a plan then nothing happens and I waste time trying to figure out what to do- then when it's not done I waste time thinking about why I didn't do it. I begin school on Wednesday the kids begin on Tuesday the 2nd, with that said I need to focus and stop wasting precious time- What time- this weekend I spent a great deal of time deleting and recreating my ITunes- yup I deleted over 2000 songs but I kept screwing it up and had 7750 songs- I had triplicates of my library. I was so frustrated, I deleted everything – I did this on Saturday night, Sunday morning and evening. I’m still working on it. This is why I need my list to guide me. Of course I had other well thought out things do but I allowed ITunes to take over. Like I found a cool website

Net worthIQ and I will be posting my net worth (I think).

Will I be able to show my debts and saving to the public? On the other hand this may help me boost my worth by paying off debt and increasing my savings/wealth. Who knows but I will post my list- so I can follow it. Hope you guys don't mind but I need some help here trying to find my better life.

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Increased Graduation Rates=More Time

Their Solution

The NYS Board of Regents realized the NYC public school children need more time to graduate. I am a little confused- I read an article explaining how graduation rate increased but, NY High School Need More Time to Graduate. Officials believe our kids need anywhere from 5-6 years to include summer school and longer school hours to graduate from high school. The graduation rate in NY is increasing because kids are spending 5-6 years in high school – am I missing something?

The Issue

I want to say here we go again changing policies and accepting abnormal behaviors to increase numbers to make it right. In a few years studies will show that keeping high school student for seven or eight years is the answer and help give our graduation rate another boost. What about college? If high school is extended how does this effect college? Does anyone agree with me when I say this is the wrong message we are sending to our children- its ok to be a high school graduate at 21. Should I just focus on the fact that the graduation rate has increased?
There was a ten year period where graduation rates did not increase- maybe it has something to do with the structure of the school system. Many years ago when I was in school the elementary schools were grades K-6th, middle school were grades 7th - 9th and high school were grades 10th -12th. I’m not sure the reason for the change in structure and maybe that is the reason for extended high school years.

Can you imagine a 6th grader who is 11 years old in the same school as a 13 year old 8th grader? It seems as if the maturity levels are not compatible with the grading or education system. It seems to me the extra years the Regent Board gives is the same years they took away in the beginning. My daughter first year of high school was last year and she was 14 yrs old, in her school there were students who were in their fifth or six year of high school. She was in school with kids who were 18-19 years old. Wow, the thought is very scary.


To sum this up we are forcing our kids to mature at a faster rate, but we are not providing education at the same rate, but instead we give them move to learn. I wonder what are their counterparts around the country are doing.

My Solution

Maybe the mandatory age to begin school should be at 4.5 years old.

Monday, August 18, 2008

Guns & Thoughts

(written 6/18/2008)

I went to a shooting range in the Pocono Mountains
All you need is a driver's license and you too can shoot
I was given the mandatory attire
Ready with my glasses, ear protectors, shorts, cute tank and flip-flops
We walk through the layers of shell casings
To the guys at the end
Come with me said the cowboy
“Have you shot before” I had to lift my protectors to hear
I say no and smile
The loud bangs one after another makes me jump
Each bullet carrying the weight of many guns
I get chills
I wonder if the protectors are working
My hands are cupping over my ears
I am still jumping
We are standing in an open wooden booth
The sides is where the keep the pistols locked to the walls
In front is the paper target with the string to bring it to and fro
Behind that is a big dirt hill
Filled with cute big teddies pink, blue and white and things that look like bowling pins
These are the targets
My honey wants to go big
We start with the baby dessert eagle
I tell him to go first
Above is black and white photo of the movie Natural Born Killers
There I am shooting and jumping
It was so fast
With a tap
Not the entire finger because that makes the gun go left
Just the tip
I try to relax
Everyone’s shots make me jump
The gun powder smell like a million farts at once
My hands are covered with something like talc
They sink
Keep your eye on the target
Not your finger or the gun
Before you know it’s over
I hit dead center mass
I moved the target
Hit it twice while the target moved
Watch out for her
Better not piss her off
Then I think
Can’t shoot a body like mine
Or a cute cuddly animal either
I think
50 shots
Who can do that?
50 shots
To another being
50 shots

A murder
A thin line between cops and criminals
Who is who?
50 shots

RIP Sean Bell

Negotiate Your Money Back

Do you negotiate anything? Well I will negotiate just about any and everything. Sometimes it only takes a matter of moments other times it can take a day, two or even 30- I believe it is always worth it. This morning I called my loyal banker- well he’s not really my banker but he is the supervisor who works at my bank’s branch near my home. A few weeks ago I called him once I realized I had a bank charge for non-sufficient funds (I thought those days were over), but really this time it was not my fault- maybe it was. I made an electronic payment on my credit card and the funds did not clear yet (#$%@). So I called John and explained to him I don’t know what happened and if he would explain where I went wrong. He began going over my account and wondered aloud why I didn’t I have free checking. I said, I thought I did. He began with something about I was grandfathered into this account and he will change it for me. That was when a light bulb went on and said, “I was under the impression that my account was free for all these years, blah blah blah. Long story short I was credited $84.00 into my account since I was not too much of my time and I don’t feel that it was wasted. That may not seem like much money but for me every penny counts.

I then called my credit card company and explained the huge mix-up and was told to call back in a few days after the account updates. This took less than 3 minutes. I was lucky this was not a late fee but the $39 return check fee hurt just the same. I marked my calendar and called back and spoke to a customer representative who immediately told me there was nothing that could be done to credit my account. I politely requested to speak with a supervisor. The representative sternly reminded me that a supervisor’s response would be the same. I said ok, but insisted that I would still like to speak with a supervisor. I briefly explained to the supervisor that this was not a due payment but an extra payment to the account, not to mention (but I did) that my bank account is with the same bank as the credit card company. The supervisor explained as a courtesy this $39.00 fee will be waived this time. The call was 5 minutes or less.

Some may feel time is of the essence and it is so precious that it can’t be wasted trying to make a few dollars or save a few dollars. I received a total credit of $123.00. If you think about all the extra fees and charges that can be lowered, credited or saved at the end you can save for something or splurge on the much wanted item, after all it only takes a few moments.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Pain in My Eye

Yesterday I had this pain in my eye
It was an excruciating pain that almost drove me to the emergency room
It was like a tiny pointy pin magnetic in my eye pulling it shut
I walked home with one eye open and the other shut (I would have loved to be a passerby to see that one)
I took out my lens, flushed it and made a homemade patch
Didn’t want to use a vacation day to visit the doctor
Today I went to work
And the eye wasn’t so bad nor was my day

I called my doctor to find out who would see me and everyone I spoke to on the phone was very helpful. I was present during the conversations and I didn’t cut them off while they were speaking. I listened with my ears and my mind meaning (I needed answers). I didn’t allow my mind to think about what I am going to eat for lunch or what if I there are no available appointments (like we tend to do). I received the services I expected and everything went perfect.

On my way to the doctor is began to rain and I asked a total stranger if I can get under their umbrella just for a few blocks and again- I thought this through in a positive manner before I asked and it happened. I am a firm believer that if you think the way you want is to happen then it will. I also believe when you fill your mind with negative thoughts they multiply and it can bring a negative actions.
I am working on this every day. We say we don’t want something to happen but we give it all our energy and at times more energy than the things we want in our lives. We have got to change our thinking patterns. This is not to say that negative thoughts will never happen but when they do just be aware of it and how it makes you feel and try changing it to a positive thought. You will find that more positive brings on more positive.

Oh my eye it’s much better just have to stop wearing my contact lens for a while to give my eye more oxygen.

Compassion & Understanding

When do you show compassion & understanding?

Scenario 1

You are walking down the street and this woman bumps you so hard it almost knocks you to the ground and without turning around she yells, “Sorry” and keeps moving.
What is your reaction?

Here is mine

Past - I would have a sour look on my face and probably curse or yell some obscenities and called my friends to tell them what happened and to whomever else would listen. I would have been upset.
Present-I would’ve tried to move out of her way so that I wouldn’t get pushed and kept it moving. (How many times do you see the push before is comes and still get mad because you felt you shouldn’t have to move)

Scenario 2

You are walking down the street and this woman bumps you so hard it almost knocks you to the ground and she turns around with tears in her eyes, but doesn't say sorry.

What is your reaction?

Past-I would have a sour look on my face but when I would have noticed the tears I may have turned around and kept walking and maybe mumbled to myself.

Present-I would’ve brushed it off and kept moving.

For most of us scenario 1 would make us upset, angry and mad all at once. Why? Is it because we have taken this bump personally? How can a stranger we may never see again have so much control over us? See how when you don’t control our emotions and thoughts we allow space for someone else to do it.

Where am I going with this- We need to have compassion and understanding without hearing or seeing the story/reasons. Have you ever notice that once you hear the reason then you understand and in a matter of seconds your emotion shifts. Our lives would be so much calmer if we could live with understanding and compassion. I know this is not an easy thing but what is easy. In the long run it makes a better you and you are what are important, right? So the next time you see the token booth clerk who looks pissed - have some compassion and understanding. You never know what their story is, maybe this is there 2nd shift, or they just received an eviction notice or their cat croaked, but who cares what the story is just understand it’s not personal. How can it be?

Besides do you think the token booth clerk really doesn’t like you? What make you so special that out of hundreds of people you are the one? What makes the token booth clerk so special that you allow their actions to control your emotions and your thoughts throughout the day?

Make today the day where you have compassion and understanding for a total stranger. Then think about the how you felt at the moment. What do you have to lose? What do you have to gain? Steps into becoming a better you!!

How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young,
compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving and tolerant of the
weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of

George Washington Carver

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Grand Opening!! FREE

Yorganic is having a Grand Opening Today

w/Free Frozen Yogurt w/1 topping from 12p- 4p

3 Hanover Square ( right near Underground Pizza)

New York NY 10004 212-968-9700

Let’s Welcome them to the neighborhood!!

yor-gan-ic- adjective/verb/noun Natural frozen yogurt made with 100% organic milk layered with fresh organic toppings served in econtainers

Monday, August 11, 2008

Isaac Hayes & Bernie Mac

On August 10, 2008 Isaac Hayes was discovered unconscious near his treadmill by his wife. Mr. Hayes was 65 at the time of his death. He leaves behind 12 children from four marriages.
Mr. Hayes was best known for this soundtrack to the movie Shaft the album was the first record by a solo black artist to reach the top of both the R&B and Pop charts, winning an Academy Award for Best Original Song and landing three Grammy Award and a Golden Globe. He starred in over 30 movies to include the South Park show as "Chef". His music has been sampled by many hip hop artists to name a few Snoop Dogg and Biggie Smalls.

To another fallen soul Bernie Mac who died early Saturday morning with his wife of 30 years and their 30 year old daughter by his side as doctors made several attempts to revive him. It was reported that Bernie Mac's inflammatory lung disease contributed to his death. "He had sarcoidosis, but it was in remission.

Ironically both of men will be starring side by side in a movie 'Soul Men', which is due to be released in November 2008.

They will truly be missed and their contributions much appreciated!

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Relive a Single Day

If you could relive one single day from your past exactly as it was the first time (no changes), what day would you choose to relive all over again? Why?

Friday, August 8, 2008

Thank You Audre Lorde

heard something

Heard something to empower
Me made me
Feel good and fearless
Gave me chills-Good Lorde
Dig she said to the deepness of the belly
Where I ain’t ever been
But the chills had me wanting more
Wanting to go deep I say travel to my soul
To reach yours
Way down way down
And keep going
To the my end or the beginning
I want to spend some time
In the heart
Nuff will come from there
Wanna open the valves they said was weak
Let it flow to my song no pulses here just
Boom bap boom bap- hum to my flow
I’m controlling this here orchestra
Then reach up to the cabeza- whatcha said
I think thoughts that think of me as the shit
My learning’s are yearning to surface
I’m a pull and tug
Because I got something to say
I wanna hear you own my words
Speak them for your lips
Make chills on your skin
Leaving by filling this world with my ink
On what I think and thought
Oh shit- I got chills

My Perfect Morning

My perfect morning would be the following:

  • 4:40 am wake up to go the the gym (gym opens at 5:00)

  • 5:45 return from the gym and shower for work

  • 6:00 make coffee to drink now and one for my commute

  • 6:05 morning writing and check my ebay site

  • 6:15 Jr wakes up(10 yr old son)

  • 6:20 prepare his breakfest and iron his clothes

  • 6:25 Jr gets dressed then eats breakfest

  • 6:30 Do my hair, get dressed & Shani wakes up(my 15 yr old daugther)

  • 6:50 feed Rudy (my iguana)

  • 6:55 chit chat with Shani (my 15 year old) while I pack my lunch

  • 7:05 do a walk through the house making sure everything is off and heat up my coffee

  • 7:10 walk out the door

  • 7:15 on the bus headed to the subway station to go to work

This is my perfect morning. When my mornings go as planned my day floats by smooth as can be. There are times when something my not go as planned and those days are now floating as well. I'm learning that it's my choice what type of day I want and although I may not get to the gym as often as I like or maybe I didn't write in the morning or I had to deal with some other crap that I was'nt expecting. I'm learning to accept, embrace and move on because I get to do it all over tomorrow.

"Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your oldnonsense." --Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, August 7, 2008

See Something Say Something

I seen something, my son
Just went under the turnstile
Because I don’t believe NYC
Students should have to pay
For the subway or buses
Yeah I know – he did have
A student metrocard but his
Ten year old hands lost
It and guess what his mother
Pays taxes- so back up I
Seen something else, me
Drinking my morning coffee
On the train- yup that’s
Against the law and you know
What it tastes good
Don’t worry I won’t litter
The coffee is too expensive
And too good for that and I seen
A lady a big lady
Too big for one seat
Yeah that’s against the law too
One fare=one seat
So whatcha gonna do
Mr. Officer- I seen the teenage girl
And her little brother selling M &M, Skittles
And Snickers no not for their school basketball team
But to eat
Yes, all of this is going on under the grounds
Of your NYC
I seen something else
You using a decoy bag to grab the
Temptation of some hungry teenage girl
And her little brother who probably
Didn’t sell enough candy for dinner tonight
I seen something else hundreds of people
With large bags, small bags all kinds of bags
Walk pass seven officers
Who are paid by me
With a sign “we have the right to
randomly search your bags”
But they were too busy for that
Talking, laughing and drinking coffee
I seen something else me walking up the
Broken escalator pissed on my way to work
To pay you to do nothing
I said something

What was the last thing you seen? Did you say something? Well say it now!

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Learn To Accept the Things You Can't Change

Today is my first day blogging but not reading- during my commute usually read and what I read today was perfect. It couldn't have played out any better. I rained oh it rained but as I was reading the chapter " a penny for your thoughts" and it reflected on negative thinking and how we are in control of what we choose to think and to pay attention to what you think. So I began to think and with ease negative thoughts arose- it was raining and I using public transportation. I was in a very uncomfortable situation. My mind was ready to take off, suddenly I stopped it and gained control. It was almost funny because I was on the bus trying to think positive- then it dawned on me the bus was on time and I am not in the rain anymore. When I got off the bus lo and behold it stopped raining. My train ride was not normal for a rainy day because it was smooth sailing- all this is happening while I was reading. Then an announcement was made the train was out of service and this was the final stop. I was not upset one bit, I calmly grabbed my belongings got off the train, but without thinking hesitation I took another train line that was closer to my job and I arrived to work the same time as normal.

This is to say my reading reinforced what I already knew -DO NOT FRET OVER THINGS YOU HAVE NO CONTROL OVER. Simply accept the present situation and embrace it. If I wasn't there to witness I may not believe. My day was wonderful and guess the choice is up to me to choose what kind of day I will have tomorrow.